Dans Mes Reves

Why can’t rappers be normal? What is it about them that they need to be elevated superheroes?

Bun B of UGK spoke of how it is ok to have a job and be a rapper. Not everyone has to come up through the hustle. What is the hustle? Hustle is an expansive term; it includes drug selling, prostitution, murder and other street activities. On the other hand it can just be selling t-shirts, food, drinks or even deodorant. A side job. A part time gig that can pay the bills, whilst you try and become the next Plies.

Apart from minute niches you rarely hear about regular people rapping. I understand that in other genres this is not required. You don’t need to know that Tom Jones was a vacuum salesman unless you are a local radio DJ trying to be amusing.

Hip hop is primarily built on tales. Unfortunately those tales of Hollywood excess, Colombian drug lords and other crime staples have been told many times before. Gangsta Rap is just as dead. We have heard the tales of drive-bys, Crenshaw, crips and bloods. What do you do now? Go bigger? If so you are likely to get caught out (see Rick Ross). So here we are rappers talking about their lives. Little did we know that 6years the world’s biggest music star would be rapping about working at the Gap.

There is a current batch of rappers that are rapping about things that people can relate to. Asher Roth, Wale, The Cool Kids, Kid Cudi and others are leading the way of this reality rap. Often hidden under the derogatory term hipster rap and chided for wearing tight jeans, these rappers have shown that people want to hear real life experiences. Whether this will translate into record sales we shall see, but they do have a loyal fan base that supports their music.

Hip hop was basically like a Michael Bay film. Over the top explosions, CGI, beautiful actors and scenery. And with successive film we got even more and more. Until it reached the point that reality was no longer good enough. Every album had to be packed with clichés. Dealt coke? Check. Was a major player in the street game? Check. Went to jail? Check. Like all things, its time came to an end. Now, it’s time for something of substance.

Happiness

Day one. I am quitting cigarettes. Again. From the past 8 years I have been afflicting with the greatest drug of all time. A smoke, a fag, a ciggie, a loosie, whatever you choose to call it, the sweet baccy has nestled in fat fingers for almost a decade.

I’ve quit before, many a time. Usually for no reason at all, just to demonstrate that I have the willpower to do so. There are things that I will miss about it and here they are.

1) The smell. Non smokers hate it, they probably prefer pot pourri. Hippies. It is the musky smell of reckless joy. Even better is the smell of a tee shirt soaked in booze, smoke, sweat and perfume. It’s like taking a fragrance trip back in time.

2) The fact that it crystallises the moment that I have just experienced. It can be as small as a good meal or ven a quick fuck. How often can you take three minutes out of a day and think about something? Not nearly enough.

3) It’s a great conversation starter. Do you have a light? Can I bum a smoke? Simple but sly way to actually slide up to that person you wanted to talk to.

4) Annoying the self righteous non smokers. Not too sound like Jeremy Clarkson but angsty non smokers are pricks. Complete and utter pricks that fucking deserve a special place in hell. Did you go to a pub the day after the smoking ban came in? It fucking reeked of sweat and cheap cologne. I am now shocked to see smokers huddled outside like fucking calfs, you know what we have the last laugh. Clubs are keeping the heating up in clubs making you dehydrated and thus buying more booze.

5) My excuse for my poor health is smoking. Im not fat but running more than 20 minutes and I want to quit. Playing football is more an exercise in energy conservation rather than the game itself. I’m looking to pass first rather than take on players. Granted im built like a bear, in a gay and literal sense, so maybe that wasn’t a forte.

So what do I have to look forward to? Being grumpy? Check. Food pangs? Check. Avoid conversations with smokers? Double Check. So here’s to the healthy life, so I can live longer and get fucked over by the government.