Before i begin I would like to state that I am not a scientist and that my views on anything remotely scientific should be taken with a grain of salt. However I would like to say that although I do not hold degree in science, I do hold a degree in pub science. That is the science of if something happens here; it can happen to someone or something else. This does not give me licence to proclaim wondrous things but it has to be within reason, it’s the reasoning that allows us to use a bag of peas to reduce inflammation instead of reaching for an ice pack.

This has more to do with my view for world equality than it does for the banishment of water. Although to be honest to pay 1.25 to buy some tap water in a bottle is reaching levels that is pissing me off. At a restaurant with my brother, the bottle of water cost £4. I am not a miser, but even that you have to say god damn, granted the bottle it came in was almost good enough to get you female attention. Ladies that is how the male mind works, we think that an expensive bottle of water will get us noticed. To be honest it’s your fault since you love your manholo blanks and insist on evian (not all of you, those ones don’t have boyfriends. Or if they do they listen to snow patrol). Some greedy bastard has managed to take something essential for living and made a profit off it. The three essential things we need in life are in order, water, food then shelter. So I propose we take the money out of their hands and we take it back water, food and medication should all be lowered and become affordable. Now unlike many political leaders I have a plan, I deliver on my promise. We should all drink sunny d. Now I know what you are thinking; what flavour I can drink, any as long as it’s orangey. Now the reason why I chose such a drink is not because I am sponsored by coke but because it could cure the problem of racism for future generations. It would not only provide us with nourishment (more vitamin c than water) but also do more work than Nelson Mandela and any other leader could do. A couple of years ago there was a story about a child who had turned a hue of orange due to his parents giving him a bottle of sunny d a day. Now imagine if we all did that? We could using pub science all turn to that colour and thus eliminate years of racial prejudice with one glass a day. We can change the world with a slightly sickly taste of the sun going into our bodies each day. The problem with most charity drives and things of that nature is that it is hard for people to want to invest their time and effort into the cause. Saving the environment, I shall recycle when I can. Stopping racism, I shall buy this fashionable nike wristband. All little gestures that cumulatively look good but ultimately didn’t change anything except for corporate profits and a small sense of satisfaction. Let’s drink a glass a day and save future generations pain and hurt by all becoming one and thus celebrating life itself. The only problem that I can see is washing, on one hand the dirty, scuffed up look is in; junkie chic without the drugs you could call it. Then again I don’t really do well looking like that so I would allow us to wash using water. I don’t like my girls dirty either so some sacrifices have to made.