I was walking to my newsagents to go and pick up the Sunday papers (becoming a necessary feature of my life even though it’s 2 quid). On the notice board was an advertisement for the local panto. Panto’s or pantomimes for my American friends are traditional English plays that usually take place around Christmas time. The most common ones are Snow White, Aladdin and Sleeping Beauty. Imagine those mini Disney plays but with audience participation. These adverts are common all over the country and usually it’s a case of having a quick glance to see which f list celebrity is so hard up that they have to do it. I think that the accepted three step fall from grace for American celebrities is TV movie, Christianity and then a play in London. Ashlee Simpson is in Chicago over here, at least you guys had the good sense to send her here. In England panto is the last thing you would be caught dead doing, it’s a good chance for soap stars and crappy singers to get another chance to show off their useless talents. Anyway I was wondering about this when I saw and advert for Snow White, whilst hoping that Verne Troyer would be in it (that’s mini-me from Austin powers), I couldn’t help but laugh when I noticed that it was on ice. Now maybe my feelings come from deep personal wounds that come from being forced to watch beauty and the beast five times in a row at Disneyland Paris. I love my mother but I might never forgive her for that. I just never understood what made a show so much better when it was on ice. Disney seems to be the biggest culprit believing that by shifting their classic onto ice gives them a new dimension. What makes the Little Mermaid any better if it was on ice, wouldn’t it be confusing enough that you have a talking lobster but then to think that you have a talking lobster that can ice-skate? Why would Aladdin, my personal favourite, be any better if the Arabian backdrop was replaced with ice? Now I could never bring myself to even watch something like that even for research purposes. Does solid water have a drawing power that regular sets don’t have? Can this principal be stretched to other plays? Like Great Gatsby on ice? Death of a Salesman on ice? Raisin in the Sun on ice? Shakespeare on Ice? What about if this seemingly magical sale trick could work on celluloid? Take a well known Hollywood flop and put it on ice? Cinderella Man on ice? Lady in the Water on ice? Mission Impossible 3 on ice? Now just thinking about that and all the films that are recent Hollywood flops have involved water. Speed 2, Waterworld and Posedion have all failed dismally, the latter I believe to have failed by not allowing fergie from the Black Eyed Peas to rap. (If you haven’t heard the song Fergalicious, you haven’t lived. Bob Dylan and Bob Marley couldn’t hold a candle next to Fergie) So the key to success if you have a mediocre film or play or maybe even book is to put it on ice. It wouldn’t surprise me if you see Big Momma’s House 3; Big in Belarus.