The past week has been spent on the job hunt. Although that phrase doesn’t really do it justice. A hunt suggests that I am in control and that I can pick and choose my kill. I have the gun, I have the power. It really should be an exercise in how much of a slut you can be. I don’t just have to sit there with my legs open but also throw random love letters to any suitors. Due to my position I can’t be picky. I applied to poundland for god sakes. Quality products, quality staff. These love letters or CV’s remind me of my dating history. If only they accepted mixtapes then it would be 1998 all over again. First track Dolly Parton 9 to 5 last one Let the Bitches Die by Lightspeed Champion. My resentment shone through pretty quickly. I wanted to go into Blacks and demand they hired me due to their racist name. It isn’t racist by the way but in the same way that the White shop makes me feel uncomfortable so does Blacks. The whole process is pretty soul destroying, it reminded me of the days I went after really attractive women when I was younger. They would pretty much dismiss me due to my approach not giving me the time of day. I would have this is in my mind constantly. However with jobs this is case all the time. Every shop I go into tells me to leave them alone with my credentials and they will get back to me. They don’t give me the time to impress to show that I am a multilayered person whose brain is fascinating to pick. That’s the problem by putting your legs in the air and waiting for some docker to come pack enticed by your love letter. It leaves you feeling naked and vulnerable. I am quite private and by leaving my CV I feel as if I have given a piece of me to a bunch of strangers including people whom I would never want to converse with at all. This is not me being snobbish, it is just as likely that they wouldn’t want to be within 50 feet of me.
It’s a shame that the one job that I really want I have to apply for online. It’s the one job that I wanted to wiggle my cute little credentials at. I was willing to play sexy for it. Instead it looks like I will be spending my time fucking random douchebags for money.
And to think I thought that it would be easy, we mutually need each other, if they didn’t like me they could let me down gently. I thought it would be the job equivalent of a drunken hook up. Brief, passionate and mutually beneficial.